Wasn’t the goal of social media to connect us? Sure.
With the connection, we’ve also got the comparison, which can be immediately followed by self doubt. Every day, we scroll through thoughtfully posted snapshots of other families’ lives. Perfectly dressed children eat homemade organic meals while their “I’ve got it all under control” moms smile effortlessly in pristine homes. Meanwhile, we’re hiding the breakfast dishes, stepping over toys, and wondering why our lives feel so chaotic in comparison.
The truth is, what we see on social media isn’t real life—it’s a highlight reel.
The Curation Game
Every post you see has been thoughtfully chosen. That gorgeous family photo? It was likely one of seventy five shots, taken after multiple outfit changes, with the tantrum that happened five minutes later carefully removed from the story. The mom posting about her child’s academic achievements isn’t sharing the homework battles or the tears over math problems that were a very real part of the process.
Social media algorithms don’t reward authenticity. How could that even be sorted out? Content that generates likes, comments and shares is rewarded. Even the parent fails that make it to a social media feed are purposely chosen for their relatability and humor. The genuinely human, flawed or ugly moments of parenting never make the final cut.
The Comparison Trap
When we expose ourselves to this highly curated content regularly, our brains naturally begin to compare our behind-the-scenes reality with the highlight reels of others. You might find yourself wondering why you don’t own a Cricut and have the energy to make an Etsy worthy sign so you can post photos of the first day of school each year. Why are your children less cooperative than others seem, or why does managing your household feel so much harder than it appears to be for other moms.
This comparison is particularly painful because it’s fundamentally unfair. You’re comparing your full, unedited experience—complete with struggles, failures, and ordinary moments—against someone else’s carefully selected best moments. It’s like comparing a rough draft to a published novel and wondering why your writing seems inadequate.
The Reality Behind the Screen
Remember that social media posts represent moments in time, not complete pictures of people’s lives or how they approach parenting. The key to minimizing the negative impact of social media is approaching it with awareness and intentionality.
Options like limiting consumption when you’re exhausted or vulnerable can insulate you from negative self comparison. Noticing how you feel when exposed to certain accounts can be helpful. Don’t be afraid to mute or unfollow accounts that consistently leave you feeling crummy—even if they belong to someone you care about.
Be real when you post. Consider sharing some of the less shiny moments of your own life. Not only does this provide a more honest representation of your life, but it might also give other parents permission to be real about their own experiences.
Your worth as a mother isn’t determined by how your life appears on screen. The love you show your children, the patience you demonstrate during difficult moments, the way you show up day after day—these things matter infinitely more than any social media post. Your messy, imperfect life is not only good enough, it’s just what your children need.
