Infertility can affect more than your body, when you’re in the thick of it, you can feel like it seeps into every corner of your life, including your most intimate relationships. When your journey toward parenthood comes with the uncertainty of infertility, even the strongest partnerships can feel the strain.
The Hidden Emotional Toll
Infertility creates a unique form of stress that you and your partner can find yourselves unprepared for. The monthly cycle of hope and disappointment, endless medical appointments, and the financial burden can leave both partners feeling emotionally drained. Adding to this emotional drain is the idea that we can each process the grief related to infertility different. So, when you need each other most, you can find yourself on completely different pages.
One partner might cope by researching every possible treatment option, while the other withdraws to protect themselves from further disappointment. Neither approach is correct or right, but these differences can feel like rejection or lack of support when you’re already vulnerable.
Communication can be a lifeline
Open and honest communication becomes crucial during infertility treatment. It can be helpful to set aside regular time to check in with each other. Touch base with your partner about where they are emotionally. It makes sense that the medical updates are enough to talk about and we can be busy, but it’s very important to create space to discuss how you’re feeling about the processes you are going through. Create a safe space where you can each express frustration, sadness, or even anger without judgment.
Ask for what you need, and be specific. Sometimes you might need to just be heard. No problem solving, no feedback, just an ear to listen. Avoid making the assumption that your partner knows your needs. You might say something like “I just need you to hear me on this” or “Can you help me figure this out” before you begin speaking to increase the chances you’ll be understood and get your needs met
Protecting Your Intimacy
Certain aspects of fertility treatments can turn physical intimacy into a clinical process. Ladies, there’s nothing romantic about watching your husband walk off to that particular room with the cup in his hand. And fellas, I can’t begin to comprehend what that particular walk down the hall is like for you.
Set aside and prioritize time for connection that has nothing to do with making a baby. It You might connect by cuddling and watching a movie, giving each other massages, or simply holding hands during a walk through your neighborhood.
Remember that emotional intimacy matters just as much as physical closeness. Take time to reflect on the less challenging times. Giggle through the memories of why you fell in love, talk about your dreams beyond parenthood and nurture the friendship that you and your partner have.
Setting Boundaries Together
Decide as a couple how much information you’ll share with family and friends about your fertility journey. Loved ones can mean well, but say things that can really sting. Whether it’s advice or pressure, having a plan can help you maintain a united front in the face of unwanted questions or advice.
You might also benefit from setting boundaries around social media, baby showers, or family gatherings. If an event feels to painful to attend, it’s okay. Skip the event, send a gift and be compassionate to your own needs. Not everyone understands how difficult the process of conceiving in the face of infertility can be. What is important is that you allow yourself the space to take care of your needs-even if that means disappointing others. You’re doing the best you can.
Seeking Professional Support
Consider talking to a couples therapist who specializes in fertility issues. These professionals understand the unique challenges you’re facing and can provide tools for managing stress together. A quick search on Google or Psychology today can yield a plethora of trained therapists.
Individual therapy can also be beneficial. Having your own space to process your emotions can make you a better partner. None of this is a reflection of the strength of your relationship.
Finding Hope Together
While infertility can test your relationship in unexpected ways, it’s possible for couples to get to the other side of their fertility journey feeling closer and more connected. One of the harder aspects of experiencing infertility can be the feeling that you have no control. With that in mind, control what you can. Support each other, communicate openly and make decisions as a team. Where you find yourself can be painful and difficult territory, so please be patient with your partner and yourself.
